"How about having a threesome?"
Some of you may have been asked this question, and some of you may have asked it. The answer is always yes...
...IF everybody is equally on board.
But what does onboard mean? Is it possible to have a threesome while maintaining a healthy relationship? Of course, it is, but this all comes down to your relationship. I am not a certified sex educator or a relationship specialist. Far from it. But I do have experience. 23 experiences to be exact and from those 23 experiences, I have compiled a list of tips to keep in mind when venturing down this particular adventure. No, it's not for everybody. No, I cannot guarantee your first experience will be magical. All I can say with any confidence is that sex is a journey and not a destination. You can plot, plan, prepare all you want and that is still no guarantee of what you will discover along the way. The only thing you can do to prepare for such a journey is to communicate openly and honestly with the person(s) you wish to journey with.
1.) Setting the boundaries.
I cannot emphasize how important this is. Unclear boundaries will eventually get crossed and this could throw the entire experience off. For this aspect, you really need to remove your partner from the equation. Focus on what you want and don't want to happen. Take notes if you have to. Having a clear understanding of your limits and those of your partner will make an incredible difference. The key here is honesty. Don't hold anything back.
2.) Setting the mood.
This is where things start to warm up. Share your vision with your partner, and have them share theirs. Express to each other what you are seeking from the experience. Be honest and open with each other. One really great way to do this is to write a story together. Write your fantasy down. It doesn't need to have perfect spelling, grammar or even a huge vocabulary. It just needs to be real. The goal of this exercise is to get everyone on the same page. Such writing will create dialogue, and dialogue spawns more dialogue. You may be surprised at what light such a conversation sheds on your relationship.
3.) Find the Right Person.
This is where things become challenging, and ultimately, is not the purpose of this blog. The right person will be open to your shared idea of what you have in mind. Remember that story I asked you to write in tip #2? This is a great way to express your wishes to the visitor(s.) This is where advice begins to fall apart because people are just diverse. Finding the right fit for you means opening yourself up, and following your gut. If you detect a bad vibe, I guarantee it will only get enhanced in the bedroom or wherever you decide to mingle.
4.) Find the Right Place.
Personal Tip: "Kids, Don't try this at home." and that about sums up my thoughts on this. For first-time experiences, it's often best to find neutral ground. I'm reminded of one such threesome where I found myself sleeping in another room of my own house until the memories faded. Yes, It was that bad. So unless you have had some successful experiences with certain people before, I would advise finding neutral ground for playtime. Split a hotel, label it a date night, remove all expectations, and let things casually transpire. When it comes to threesomes, pressure is the enemy.
5.) Find your safe words.
First of all, let's normalize safewords. Yes and No are great, but in the heat of the moment even "Stop" can be misinterpreted. Imagine a "Don't" interrupted by gasping and moaning, followed by "Stop." It's a recipe for confusion. Having safewords, and having everyone knowledgeable of those safewords can make all the difference. Clear communication is fundamental in all forms of sexual activity. Not just the realm of BDSM. It is a safety net for ourselves, and a GPS for others. Our way of telling each other clearly to keep going, slow down, or full stop. An in-depth discussion beforehand can eliminate all the negative feelings surrounding this. Safewords are not designed to say "You are doing this wrong." but more "This doesn't feel right." or "This is my limit." Following these rules requires respect and empathy. In the end, sex should be pleasurable for everyone involved. If one or more people aren't having fun, it should stop immediately.
6.) Check-in with Each Other.
Before, during and after. Regular checking-in shows care and compassion. Believe it or not, many people just go along with things for the sake of "Not rocking the boat." This is not okay in any shape or form. Going along with something will cause regret, or even trauma further down the line. You may find yourself angry at your partner for something they had no idea was wrong. Clear checking-in helps alleviate some of this stress. "This feels really good." or "I love how you _________." Compliments aside, let's not forget to ask questions. "Does that feel good?" or "Do you like that?"
7.) Aftercare.
There are many forms of aftercare but all are important. This is your chance to cool down and talk about what happened. My personal feeling is there should be aftercare within the threesome (moresome) and as a couple or partnership. Reflect on what you enjoyed, what you felt, everything. Have fun with it. Lay around in robes and just chat. Never forget that: "Unspoken thoughts can become misunderstood assumptions"
There we have it. My top 7 tips for healthy threesomes. Once again, I am neither a certified sex educator nor a relationship counsellor. To quote one of my favourite sex educators, I am a sex enthusiast. Life is too damned short for bad sex. So by all means, light up the comments section with your questions, comments, and complaints. I am thrilled to engage with you. The only way to spread sex-positivity is to spread sex discussions. And yes. What is a blog without a shameless advertisement plug? If you are interested to see how I personally incorporate these tips into my sex life and the lives of my characters, by all means, check out my debut book on Amazon Kindle and Kindle Unlimited. Jackie's Journey: Thrills of Three
I have tried to touch on all of these sex-positive tips within my writing. Happy reading everyone.
Steph XOXO
Thank you Steph for sharing all these helpful tips. <3 Wow, this really makes me wanna have a threesome now... Oh wait 😈🤣