When PC Culture goes too far. Yes. By "too far," I mean when it becomes self-serving and destructive. I can't believe we've got to the point where everything needs a disclaimer.
*Start Rant
Why do people? Seriously... Why go out of your way and waste precious time creating problems where there are none. Is there a better use for your time? Do you need this to feel superior? What is hurting you because I know my pseudonym is not the core issue.
*End Rant
With that out of the way, let's dive in. This little gem arrived by DM on what would have been a sleepy and pleasant Friday morning where I could relax before work-mode set in. Yes, this image is a reconstruction for visual purposes. No, I did not alter the content of the texts. This particular conversation went on for as long as it took for me to realise that this person came to engage in a battle of wits but arrived, very much, unarmed. Rest assured if you come to debate, you will meet an open-mind. But if you arrive with flimsy fallacies full of holes and arguments from ignorance, I will take pleasure in schooling you. If not for your education, then for my personal pleasure and the entertainment and education of others.
I chose my pseudonym in the context of hunger, desire, beauty and a form of transcendence.
To quote Merriam-Webster:
As rapacious and ravenous share basic meanings, so do ravish and yet another cousin, rapture. Ravish can also be used to mean “to remove from one place or state to another (as from earth to heaven)” or “to transport spiritually,” meanings perfectly congruent to the noun rapture. Rapt, usually used today to mean “engrossed” (as in “rapt attention”), originally meant “lifted up and carried away” or “enraptured.” This meaning of ravish, a change from one state to another, developed into “to fill with joy or delight” (“ravished by the scenic beauty”) and connects with the more commonly encountered adjective ravishing, meaning “very beautiful.”
Full article: The Story of 'Ravenous' and 'Ravishing'
The main reason this person's argument was so laughable was that prior to selecting my pseudonym, I had spent a fair amount of time brainstorming the message I wanted to convey while merely selecting the letter "R" because I enjoy the sound of it. Through this brainstorming, I had read many articles on the topic and decided that it was the word I wanted to use. 'Ravished by Steph' was born. So when this particular troll slid into my DMs with their soapbox and megaphone, primed and ready to school me on the ways I was problematic, I flashed back to all the research I had done in advance. Something about their second message was incredibly familiar and it took about 15 hot seconds to figure it out.
Their message:
Ravish, meaning "to seize," "to plunder," or to rape," the word rape itself, rapine (pillage, plunder"), and rapacious, which can mean "living on prey"
Quoted from Merriam-Webster:
ravish, originally meaning “to seize,” “to plunder,” or “to rape,” the word rape itself, rapine (“pillage, plunder”), and rapacious, which can mean “living on prey” or simply “very hungry”—meanings that are very close to ravenous.
Notice they chose to omit the word "originally" while also failing to include an open quotation? They also neglected to include the last bit. I guess these words didn't align with the overall message they were trying to send. The part that really made me laugh was that the text they had chosen to quote appears directly under the larger paragraph that speaks volumes to the positive message that my word choice conveys. The text I quoted towards the beginning of this blog post. Surely they must have read it. Perhaps it just wasn't helpful to their cause. Perhaps their outrage wasn't genuine and they were grasping at straws. Perhaps they thought they were the only ones who knew of Google and/or dictionaries. After I pointed out this conspicuous form of hypocrisy, they went on to tell me that the word, and my message were problematic. That I am supporting rape-culture by using them. This sentiment surprised me to no end. I would be truly shocked to find any example of where my content supports rape culture. Even in my stories, great care is taken to convey my core beliefs in Communication, Care and Consent.
The conversation continued where they took a swipe at my photos of 'Jackie.' Silhouettes that were gifted to me by the model herself as they reflected the character I have created in my series. This was also problematic according to my "new fan."
"How do I know she's not a twelve year old or something?"
Admittedly, there is no air-tight argument to refute this accusation, but my "new fan" already knew that when the accusation was made. They had morphed from "Advocate for Politically Correct Terminology" to "Advocate against Child Pornography." Before I continue, I am compelled to mention that I believe there is problematic language out there. I also hold very strong disgust towards anything related to child abuse. I think this is one of the reasons I was so infuriated by this person's accusations. However, facts are facts and the model in question is a fully functioning adult, capable of making her own decisions with regards to the self-portraits she captures within the comfort of her apartment. Naturally, my statements of facts were ignored as my "new fan" was on a mission. It was clear she did not DM me to seek information or reassurance. Surely if she were so confident that the photo contained child pornography, wouldn't that have been the first point to make? By all means, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but I truly feel there is a huge gap between these two issues when it comes to priority.
It is no secret to most people that 'punching down' is significantly easier than genuinely building oneself up. This conversation dragged along for several hours. One attack after another. Each one flimsier than its predecessor. In my moments of 'radio-silence' while working with my various clients throughout the day, I was flooded with messages saying that my silence implied guilt. It became crystal clear that this person was not genuinely affected by my name, my content, my personality or even my presence on social media. This person needed to punch down in order to feel better about themselves. The onslaught of texts continued right up until a few moments ago while putting this blog post together. Their self-serving need to feel superior outweighed any genuine feelings of offence or outrage.
"Steph sighed deeply. Releasing anger and bias while searching for the core pain that was hiding beneath the surface."
Folks, I know each and every one of you are hurting in some way. This is a trait we all share as humans. All of us have troubles that we face every hour of our existence. Today's interaction caused a deep ache in my heart and I felt anger emanating from my fingertips. The ache in the back of my throat and tear-blurred words in front of me convey a different emotion. One of sadness and empathy. I reached out as best as I could to this person. I told them that it wasn't a mystery to me as to why they had chosen to come after me. I asked them what was really bothering them because I knew in my heart that it had nothing to do with me. This attack was not personal but it spoke of a deep pain that I am all too familiar with. I have also felt that sadness and anger. I have danced with my dark side and I wasn't always the lead. This person, whoever they are, is genuinely hurting and needs help. Today they ignored my olive branch and have since gone silent but they shall remain anonymous as it's their choice if they would like to come forward.
My presence on social media, my content, my words, my thoughts. Those are me. Though my physical description and other details that would 'out' my identity are secret, my mind is an open book and I am always available to those who just say the words. No one has all their shit together. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or delusional. There is no real courage or bravery in punching down at people. Courage and bravery come from admitting there is something you perceive to be stronger than you and facing it. Your projections of self-righteousness are smoke and mirrors. Your demons can see right through them. That is why that pain never disappears. Even if you tell others that you are invincible and above everything that seems weak, there is one person who knows it's an illusion and you cannot deceive this person because it's yourself.
For those who are hurting, seek help. Whether it's professionally available or merely reaching out to those you perceive to be stronger than you. Not everyone will be helpful but I promise we are out there. There are many of us who have faced some terrible circumstances and despite your fears, anxieties and lack of trust, some of us are willing to help you help yourself.
There is an abundance of hatred and unrest spreading all over the globe. The pandemic and wide range of political issues has accented this. We are not going to get anywhere worth going to by punching down in order to build ourselves up. Look for things you share with your fellow beings. Merely looking at each other's boxes and labels will only create greater division. Is it really that much of a challenge if enough of us step up to the plate?
Love always,
Steph